The Struggle for Human Connection: Understanding the Golden Triangle of Connection

Human beings are inherently social creatures, yet many of us struggle with feelings of disconnection. This sense of isolation often stems from a lack of connection to ourselves and a deficiency in self-awareness. Developing a deeper understanding of ourselves is the key to forging stronger bonds with others and finding a sense of purpose in life. This concept is encapsulated in what I call the “golden triangle of connection”: the relationship between self-awareness, interpersonal relationships, and purposeful living.

The Golden Triangle of Connection

The foundation of the golden triangle is the connection to oneself. When we cultivate a strong sense of self-awareness, we become more adept at understanding and connecting with others, ultimately leading to a more purposeful life. But how do we achieve this connection with ourselves? The journey begins with embracing quiet and stillness.

The Role of Quiet in Self-Connection

In our fast-paced, noise-filled world, it can be challenging to find moments of silence. However, creating time for quiet in our daily lives is crucial. It is in these moments of silence that we can tap into our intuition, higher self, or inner knowing. This inner dialogue is essential for developing a profound connection to ourselves, which in turn enhances our ability to connect with others.

Understanding the Brain’s Role in Connection

The three brains and safety

Our brain plays a significant role in our ability to connect with others. It is comprised of three main parts:

  1. The Amygdala (Reptilian Brain): This is the most primitive part of our brain, responsible for basic survival instincts.
  2. The Mammalian Brain: This part of the brain helps us feel safe and secure.
  3. The Neocortex: The most evolved part of our brain, responsible for higher-order functions such as reasoning, empathy, and complex thought.

For the higher functions of the neocortex to operate effectively, the more primitive parts of our brain, particularly the amygdala, must feel safe. When we feel threatened or stressed, our ability to connect with others on a deeper level is impaired.

Tools for Self-Regulation

To foster this sense of safety and enable our higher brain functions, we can use various tools for self-regulation. These include:

  • Meditation: Regular meditation helps calm the mind and reduce stress, allowing us to access deeper levels of self-awareness.
  • Inner Child Work: Addressing and healing past traumas can help soothe the amygdala, fostering a greater sense of safety.
  • Mindfulness: Practicing mindfulness keeps us grounded in the present moment, reducing anxiety and enhancing our connection to self.
  • Heart-Focused Breathing: This technique involves breathing deeply and focusing on the heart area, promoting relaxation and emotional balance, popularized by HeartMath.

By incorporating these practices into our daily routines, we can quiet the more animalistic parts of our brain and engage our higher brain functions. This shift allows us to connect more deeply and meaningfully with others, enriching our lives and fostering a greater sense of purpose.


The journey to deeper human connection begins with self-awareness and self-connection. By understanding and nurturing our inner selves, we unlock the potential to build stronger, more meaningful relationships with others. This interconnectedness is at the heart of the golden triangle of connection, guiding us toward a more fulfilled and purposeful existence.


  • Cozolino, L. (2014). The Neuroscience of Human Relationships: Attachment and the Developing Social Brain. W.W. Norton & Company.
  • Siegel, D. J. (2010). The Mindful Therapist: A Clinician’s Guide to Mindsight and Neural Integration. W.W. Norton & Company.
  • Goleman, D. (2006). Social Intelligence: The New Science of Human Relationships. Bantam Books.

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